You Make The Pain Fade Away
by FrostyFingers
Summary: There she was. Standing on the sidewalk, with blood flowing gently through her veins, because, no, she wasn't dead. It wasn't that she had cheated death, she had cheated him. Set after Lizzie was saved in 4x2 "Mato" and Red drove off in his car.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** I've done it again. A new fic. I don't think I'll ever finish anything ever again, sorry! I do hope you'll like this, I have most of it mapped out already, at least in my head. It'll be a little dark in the beginning, but there will be smut and loads of fluff also and y'all know I love angst, so that will be in there too. Special thanks to Jammequin for proofreading and so quickly too.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own The Blacklist if I did, Fakob aka Tom would've been dead for a long, long time now

 **Chapter 1**

He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. It almost broke him, seeing her standing out there, alive. She looked at him, but he couldn't bring himself to go to her. He was barely functioning at the rush of emotions that flooded his body. Not too long ago he had held her lifeless hand in his, kissed her forehead, eyelids, cheeks; had barely resisted kissing her soft lips. He had tried making his peace with her death, thought he would never see her again, that it was his fault he would never see her again, but there she was. Standing on the sidewalk, with blood flowing gently through her veins, because, no, she wasn't dead. It wasn't that she had cheated death, she had cheated him. She had wanted to get away from him so badly, that she even faked her own death. Now he couldn't do anything but roll up the car window and motion for Dembe to drive away. His own thoughts sickened him. It sickened him to the point where he was sure his friend would need to pull over, so he could empty his stomach onto the pavement. It sickened him, the feeling of betrayal that ran through him; the anger, the pure rage. It sickened him, that he was feeling this way, because…

Because she was alive.

 **LizzingtonLizzingtonLizzington**

She hadn't managed to pull her gaze away from his sad eyes, willing him to step out of the car. Wasn't he happy to see her? At least a little? Her heart ached when he suddenly rolled up the window and drove off, without a word, without any kind of acknowledgment towards her. It was clear to her then that he wouldn't be the one coming to her this time. It would need to be her; she would need to be the one trying to save their… friendship? Relationship? What were they even?

After explaining to Tom that she needed some time alone with her daughter, some time away, so she could just calm down a little, Liz packed a couple of things in an overnight bag, making sure she had enough diapers for her baby girl. It was rather late that evening, the disassembling of the crib had taken longer than expected, when she found herself standing in front of his safe house. She knocked hesitantly and quickly brushed some hair behind her ear, her other arm cradling a sleeping Agnes.

It was Dembe that opened the door and she was somewhat relieved that she would still have some time to prepare for the confrontation that she was sure was going to happen once she faced _him_.

The man in front of her gave her a smile, his features soft as he took in the two of them. Much to her surprise, he gave her a warm hug, stroking over her baby's hair.

"I'm glad to see you are well, Elizabeth," he said.

"Thank you, Dembe," she replied, wondering why it was so much easier to say these words to the tall bodyguard. "Look, uhm… I have all this stuff in the car… a crib too and… I was… do you think he would…"

He smiled widely at her. "Why don't you give your precious girl to me and go on in. I will take care of everything. He is on the first floor, down the hall."

"Thank you," she said again and carefully handed over her infant. She trusted the man, even though she was still surprised he was a father, and grandfather for that matter.

She slowly walked up the stairs, knowing she was stalling, but she couldn't stop the dread she was feeling. She was unsure of how he would react to her barging into his borrowed home late at night. All too soon for her liking, she was standing at his door. Taking a deep breath, she placed her hand on the doorknob, her free hand knocking softly, before she turned the handle and opened the door. Waiting for a reply would've killed her, she knew.

He was sitting in an arm chair, facing a stone wall, a tumbler of scotch in his hand. The bottle was almost half empty already and she wondered if he had drunk all of it that night.

"Red?" She called out, cursing herself for the slight tremor in her voice. She watched him freeze and then straighten in his chair.

From where she was standing, she could see his jaw clenching. He was angry and hurt, she knew that he was, but she was here to make it better. She hated fighting with this enigma of a man.

"Can we… can we talk?"

"Since when is it of interest to you what I want and don't want?" He asked coldly.

"Please, Red. I know you're angry -"

"Angry?!" He sprung up from his chair, his eyes were dark and his lips curled into a snarl. "You have no idea! I'm… _livid_ , Elizabeth," he spat. "You should go. For your own good."

If he was trying to frightened her, he wasn't succeeding. She was positive he would never lay a hand on her. He was however making her uneasy, with his behavior. Normally he would never act that way towards her, but it was different circumstances now.

"I know I hurt you," she started. "I know. But I'm here to apologize for that and to -"

"Apologize?" He laughed cruelly. "That must be a first for you. Do you really think that your empty words would mean anything to me? Spare me."

She shook her head. "I just want to explain. I need you to understand that I had to get away."

"You needed to get away from the monster? What exactly do you want to explain? The way you betrayed me? How you managed to convince, what I thought was one of my most loyal associates, to help you pull that stunt? Did you all have a nice laugh at my blindness? Tell me, Elizabeth, how did you come up with this plan? Was it in bed, with your husband, after he fucked you?" He was standing right in front of her by now, his breathing labored, his nostrils flaring. She had never seen him that angry before; he was almost vibrating with anger.

She stood still, not wanting to aggravate him any more than she had to. She hadn't seen him out of control yet, not with her anyway. "I didn't only come here to explain what I did, to seek your understanding at least. I'm also… I… I do want to apologize for my actions, but I also… I need you to know that I wanted to protect Agnes."

His eyes momentarily softened at the mention of the innocent baby's name, before they hardened again. "The child created in a moment of love and passion?"

"Was it like that?" She asked, catching him by surprise. "The main reason I'm here is to tell you…" She took a deep breath and tried steadying herself. "She's yours. Agnes is yours."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Here's chapter two. I hope you'll like it as it is slighty different from what I usually do, but we'll get back to the fluff soon enough. Let me know what you think.

 **Disclaimer:** Check earlier chapters.

 **Chapter 2**

A storm of emotions crossed his face. She was sure she couldn't decipher all of the different ones, but what she could make out was confusion, anger, hurt and a touch of hope.

It was quiet for long moments, the only sound they could hear was their breathing. Red was shaking still and she was unsure if it was because of anger or sadness.

"She's mine?" He asked in a soft voice, catching her by surprise.

"Created in a moment of love and passion," she threw his words back at him before she could help herself and his eyes darkened once more.

"How could you do this?!" He spoke dangerously low and stepped even closer to her. "How could you?!"

"I thought I could keep her save and away from harm."

"Oh you thought? That is the problem with you, you never think!" He spat. "You took my child away with that… with that man." He remembered how Tom had told him to stay away from the baby, the hurt he had felt upon giving the newborn back to a man he despised. Before he knew it, his hands were tightly gripping her upper arms, tight enough to leave bruises.

"Red, you're hurting me," she said, her voice fragile.

"You have no idea what pain is. You have no idea what pain I felt. You played me."

She flinched as he tightened his hands on her and couldn't stop herself from whimpering. "Red, _please_. You're hurting me," she repeated.

"When?"

"What?" She asked back.

He released her and shoved her onto the bed behind her. For a moment he stood looming above her, watching her stroke over her sore arms. "When was she conceived?" He clarified, straddling her. "Was it the night we spent in the car? In the backseat? Or when I fucked you bent over the hood?" He placed a hand on her throat, feeling her pulse quickening, as her eyes turned frightened. It cut through his already wounded heart.

"The container," she spoke in a trembling voice.

 _My way home._

He remembered the moment perfectly. It was the first time they had been intimate, after he had basically told her how he felt about her.

"Of course." He ripped open her blouse, remembering the places he had left marks with his mouth, having felt the need to mark her as his. He wondered if he could still see them somehow, if someone had dared to leave new marks on what was his.

Her lace covered breasts were heaving with every scared breath that she took, but he was angry. He was livid and he wanted to hurt her, hurt her like she had hurt him. Tightening his fingers at her throat, he watched her pupils dilate; there was no warmth, only fear, fear of the ruthless beast.

Pulling his hand away, he used both of them to roughly rid her of her jeans, taking her underwear with them. His own pants were tight as his arousal pressed against the zipper, begging to be freed, begging to push into her warm wetness, hard and unyielding so she would whimper and writhe underneath his mad assault. He quickly pulled off her bra and cupped the two round mounds, they were fuller, heavier than he remembered.

It took him seconds to rid himself of his own clothes and soon they were skin to skin. He then realized she wasn't fighting him, she... trusted him. Her fingers were tracing little circles on where his hands were now clutching at her waist and he could barely breathe when her knees fell apart, as she opened herself to him. She wasn't afraid of the monster, she trusted him, she...

 _"Raymond, I do love -"_ She loved him?

He buried his face in her neck as deep shudders ran through him and felt her arms close around his back; her scar mingling with his. Evidence of their past. It was then that he couldn't hold the tears at bay anymore. His eyes were screwed shut, but still those evil bastards managed to find their way out, dropping onto her soft and warm skin. She was warm, so warm underneath him. She was warm because she was alive. His Lizzie was alive. She was right here with him, acknowledging his anger, ready for whatever treatment he had in store for her, because she loved him.

"Oh, Lizzie," he breathed out.

"I'm sorry, Raymond," she whispered against the side of his head.

He gently kissed her now wet neck and pushed himself onto his elbows, letting her see the pain in his eyes, but also his love for her.

"I never meant to hurt you."

"Nor I you," he managed to whisper back.

"I do love you, Raymond. I love you."

He closed his eyes and fresh tears dropped from them. Liz gently stroked the wetness from his cheeks and then pulled him down for a kiss. It was only a touch of lips, no passion, just a way to express her pure love for him.

"Make love to me."

He startled at her words, at her touch. This woman was marvelous and she wanted to be his; he wanted her to be his, forever. Taking himself in one hand, he used the fingers of his other one to stroke lightly over her inner thighs, as his mouth placed gentle kisses over her chest. When he felt just how ready she was for him, he couldn't wait any longer and slowly pushed into her heat. It took both their breaths away and soon Liz was clutching at him, with her legs wrapped around his lower back and her fingers curled around his biceps.

It was beautiful, seeing her like that, she was beautiful; he still couldn't believe she was with him at that moment. He leaned closer and took her mouth in a kiss, nipping lightly at her bottom lip while he was at it.

"I love you," she whispered against him and his heart soared. "I love you."

His rhythm never faltered as he made slow and gentle love to her, much different to what he thought he would do as punishment. He knew that he would never be able to hurt her that way. Even though he could be a ruthless monster when it was needed, with her he couldn't. She was the beauty to his beast and would always be able to tame him.

"I love you, Elizabeth," he finally replied, pushing her over the edge.

 **LizzingtonLizzingtonLizzington**

When he pulled out, both were still panting slightly, sweat covering their bodies among other fluids. He placed a kiss to her clavicle and then rolled out of bed, padding towards the bathroom. It only took him seconds and soon he was back with a warm washcloth in his hand, carefully cleaning her up before quickly rubbing the cloth over himself and then throwing it to the ground.

They were just getting comfortable when a loud wail came from one of the other rooms. Red's head shot around, his eyes wide. "She's here?" He asked in a quiet but excited voice.

Liz nodded, not wanting to tell him about how she had brought almost her entire things over with her on a whim. "Do you want me to get her?" She asked, still unsure if he wanted both of them or either of them really.

"Let me," he replied, already getting out of bed, shrugging on his undershirt and pulling up his pants, going commando.

She could hear his soft cooing as he walked back towards the bedroom a couple of moments later and soon she was privy to witness the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Raymond Reddington holding a baby, their baby. She was already close to tears again.

Agnes had her little fist wrapped around his index finger, the other hand was clutching the lapel of his shirt. She was making soft noises, her eyes locked with her father's, while Red gently swung her from left to right.

"I guess she's hungry," he announced and sat against the headboard.

"Yeah, it's probably past her usual dinner time."

He smiled at the baby as he handed her to her mother, who quickly got her in position. Soon enough Agnes latched onto one nipple and started suckling with everything she had. The wet noises, as well as the picture before him, made Red chuckle with delight. He scooted closer and gently laid his head on Liz's chest so he could get a closer look at his daughter. One little hand was already reaching out again and soon Agnes was happily eating while holding onto her daddy's finger.

"She's perfect, Lizzie."

She stroked over her kid's soft hair. "I guess she's already got you wrapped around her little finger."

Giving his daughter a gentle kiss to the cheek, he let his head rest on Liz's chest again. "Just like her mother," he said. "Say, is this your subtle way of telling me you're moving in, Elizabeth?" He asked referring to the things she had brought with her.


End file.
